As children, when we are hurt by someone or by some circumstance, feeling afraid, or alone and deserted, in a situation in which we are helpless, the first thing we are aware of is – that “mum” is not there to help us.
Sometimes an injustice is inflicted by an impatient or irritable parent, unaware of the hurtful feeling it gives an uncomprehending child. In either or similar case, what the child feels, or what is real to it at the time, stays with it in its memory, consciously or subconsciously, for a lifetime.
When the child matures and becomes an adult, he or she may not understand what caused the past trauma and why it was impossible for mum, through lack of knowledge or awareness of the situation, to be there for the child and explain why this occurred. Resentment and hatred maybe felt against the parent and may last a lifetime,
Unless from an adult point of view when remembering the disturbing occasion or incidence, and seeing it objectively from an “adult point of view”, namely, the real cause in the actual circumstances of that moment, which should result in sufficient understanding to annul the “burden” of conflicting feelings.
It also helps to understand with advancing maturity, that no one is perfect! And therefore it behoves us to accept others as, including our parents – especially mum – who overall has done her utmost to bring us up and, above all, has given us the gift of life!
And when, as adults, mother nags or wants things too much her way, give her some tolerance and understanding, that it may be because she wants “what’s best for you!” but do not let that deter you from living your own life – and maybe telling her so! It is best, under any circumstance, to learn the “wisdom of life” from your own experiences – and even from your mistakes – rather than mums advice, which may be on experiences she never had!
But be tolerant and understand that the child is – what she sacrificed part or all her life for, and she undoubtedly wants your best! The “umbilical cord” is hard to sever, and together as friends, or apart as foes, she will always love you and miss you after you have gone through a life of your own!
You will know when you are a parent yourself, that the hurt suffered here and there is not yours alone!
Remember – who usually finishes up with a “broken heart”?
Author: Y. A.Eden (1928-2018)